Scars

Dear Dazai,

I got a tattoo this last week.

Actually I got two.

It’s one of those things that people expect you to do in your teens or early twenties. Something reckless and not thought out. Something that you’ll get ten years down the track and regret every time you look at it until you can’t bear it and you shell out a ridiculous amount of money so you won’t have to anymore.

I got these because I needed a way to mark the last couple of years. Two years that have probably been some of the most transformative in my life. It seemed that even though the mental scars linger, something beautiful should come out of it, apart from my newfound positivism. The positivism wavers but the tattoo will remain.

The first one is really a work of art. The artist, who did it for me, did such a wonderful job with it and I can’t convey how much I truly appreciate her work. There’s purposeful feathering so it looks like brush strokes, and fine lines I didn’t know were possible with a tattoo. It’s not huge, but it’s enough to make people notice, without being in your face. It’s my scar to show the world.

It’s also to show that I got over it. That I had people, art, and you to get me through it. It’s an homage to you, to the scars that we share. Maybe that’s also why I love it so, it brings me closer to you.

The second one I don’t ever expect to be seen unless I point it out. It’s purely for me. A scar to remind myself of the most important thing that I need to remember. It’s also a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy reference.

I got two tattoos and both of them are geeky. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

There’s still a bit of a social stigma around them.

That’s to be expected. I seem to be navigating a sea of those in these last two years, so that now the rough waves don’t throw me about so much. I’m still being jostled, tossed about and turned around, but I’ve learnt to go with it, better.

I’m sure it’ll never come naturally.

I’ll show you them when I come to Mitaka and have that drink.

xx

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