Challenge Deux: Day Five

Dear Dazai,

 

To say this week hasn’t gone to plan would be an understatement. In all honesty, I think I set myself too many big goals that I knew deep down that I wouldn’t be able to achieve, and when I got to that realisation, I stopped trying to achieve any of them. It’s something that’s always been a problem that I’ve struggled with, if I can’t do it the way I initially envision, I often give up on it all together.

These challenges though weren’t supposed to be like this for me. They weren’t supposed to be things that I was berating myself over if I didn’t achieve them, or couldn’t achieve them to my satisfaction. It was simply about pushing myself to be better and try harder, nothing more.

I say nothing more, but it’s a big ask at the end of the day to constantly want to improve on yourself, in any small manner. It’s much easier to go back to the routine that you were in before.

So alas, I have very little to report. I’ve not organised anything, I’ve not finished reading anything, I haven’t finished writing anything or editing anything. I have a small idea of the one thing I want to do, but for the moment, it’s simply that, a small idea to work on and nothing more. So what I want to do moving forward is this:

I want to keep my goals, but I’m extending the deadline. I’m away to Sydney next weekend and I’d like to try and have most of them done before then. I also want to try and remotivate myself to the task, which is going to be the hardest thing. I also want to make sure I have a new chapter of Beatrice up on Sunday, so tomorrow I’ll be prioritising that over everything else.

Also I’m very sorry that I haven’t been blogging this as I said I would, I got disheartened because of how much I wasn’t achieving and I didn’t want to admit how little had happened over the week. I’ll try and be better about it, but I might simply add Tuesday in rather than doing it every day.

My only goal I’ve met this week is my tea goal and I’ve been prioritising green teas and Earl Greys. Eliza has made me crave milky Earl Grey when I’m feeling a bit lost or stressed so I’ve been craving that all week. To soothe the ache in my soul that lingers whenever I fail at something I’m trying to do. The green teas have been the refreshing alternative. Fragrant and vibrant and a welcome reminded of my time in Japan. Just this evening I broke out a spring blend I bought from Sakurai back in April and smelling it reminds me of being in Japan, that fresh, sweet scent of spring. When there’s the blossoms in the air, floating down like snow.

 

To trying to do better.

xx

 

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