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Dear Dazai,

I’m actually a little unsure what to address this as today, as if every word I’m considering isn’t appropriate for really any audience. I’m also trying desperately to focus on the positives at the moment, of which there are many, but sometimes it’s so much easier to say:

‘Fuck this shit’

I’m going to take the easy way out today and blame Nathaniel because I knew what was coming when I got a message from him this afternoon reading :

‘Fucking HELL’

It got worse from there.

And I agree with him. I think both of us knew that this was a possibly back in August when the shit hit the fan with a band we both stan but still, it’s so much harder to actually see the words printed on paper (or a computer screen). It dismisses the tiny bit of hope you had left.

This won’t mean much to most people I know, but it’s something that both of us really liked, had some severely sparkly moments with and the idea that we’d not long found them and now they won’t ever be a thing, physically hurts. It’s a risk we all take when we like something, the knowledge that one day it might end, I think both of us never assumed it would end this soon.

Especially as this came about because of some childish trolls, who were upset that an idol might be getting their rocks off with someone who wasn’t them. Now I don’t get more music from a band I love.

So that’s been my morning.

Except that I’ve finished some paying work for the first time in ages, I’m learning how to keep bees this weekend, and I get to see lots of people that I love. So life is generally good.

I’ll just really miss Triple H.

xx

P.S. I chose a picture of baby Sai because I needed something wholesome and lovely to put with this to remind me of good things

 

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