Dear Dazai,

This is later than it should be because I honestly lost track of time. Worse, I lost track of time doing something particularly mundane…cleaning my kitchen. It needed it. Desperately.

It was at the stage, where as someone who usually finds some comfort in cooking, the mere sight of my very untidy kitchen, meant that I made do with the bare minimum. For the past couple of months that’s usually involved a variation on noodles, tofu and kimchi. Some other assorted vegetables and fruit and the occasional other quick throw together.

My kitchen had become a place to store things, and not just those things that belonged in the cupboards, which I often failed to put away, but letters, bills, miscellaneous items I just wasn’t sure what to do with.

Today that needed to change because I miss my kitchen.

I miss having the space where I can properly brew tea, because I find the act of making tea as calming as drinking it. I wanted to have a place that would be like that for me again. So I got rid of the very dead succulents (I can keep citrus barely alive, but succulents die a agonised death with me, mainly because to keep them out of reach of kittens, they need to be on the bench, and my bench gets absolutely no sunlight, hence death to plants). So I’ve regained my tea corner again. There’ll need to be a few changes made to the space, but I’m much happier with it than I was.

My proudest moment today came when I cleaned my oven, that’s been due a clean, I suspect for a few years now. It’s not perfect and I’m going to have another crack at it this week, but it’s an improvement. Sometimes I have to remind myself that an improvement is all I need.

So I’ve been good.

I’ve reclaimed part of my house that often gets lost in the chaos that is my existence, especially when I’m rundown and anxious. I achieved something and some days that’s all any of us need.


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