Frustration

Dear Dazai,

I just deleted the blog post I had written by accident and I’m really angry at myself, because now that I’ve already written it once, I’m not sure I need to write it again, and now I’m wondering exactly what it is I’m going to write.

There feels like there’s a bit too much to say at the moment. That there’s a few too many thoughts in my head and I’m not sure now which one to focus on. I have this issue, where there’s all these ideas flashing at the front of my consciousness and I’m unable to focus on any one of them because they’re all demanding of my attention.

The thunder has rolled in tonight and it’s no longer unbearably hot. Not that I’ve been out of airconditioning this week, I’ve sought cover as often as I could. I’ve even had my airconditioning too cold, so I’ve been forced to turn the fans off and walk around in my slippers to regain some sense of comfort again. I’ve even wished I’d had a kitten sleeping on my toes because they’re just a bit too cold.

My kitten is sitting with his paw in his water bowl. Seemingly forgotten.

Still, it feels that with the storms rolling in all the anxiety and numbness I’ve had this week has been washed away. I know that’s also partly because I’ve been back home. I’ve been back home with kittens and I’ve been back exercising regularly. All of these things are huge boosts to my mood.

I’m also back writing, and I’ve got ideas about what I want to do moving forward. I’ve put in job applications and even though I still feel a bit lost, it’s not as bad as it once was. That’s not to say that everything is good. It’s not, but it is improved.

Sometimes in the midst of frustration, any improvement is worthwhile.

xx

 

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